our life story through Jason's {our} battle with stage 4 melanoma {cancer} all thoughts, wonders, and worries...our fight to live our lives the way we want...♥♥♥
Friday, December 31, 2010
gifts...
our christmas celebration
jareth n wesley..they were sick so they had to wear masks{so jason would get sick}
kacey got a nighty from jennifer, and jareth opened it...it was PRICELESS!
Thursday, December 30, 2010
one year ago...
well this post has been ready for a while, but with everything thats been going on i havent posted it until now...
One year ago today, our nightmare began, well to us its our nightmare some try to look at it as a blessing with letting us know that jasons cancer was back…but really there was things that Jason should have gone to the dr about, but those of you who know Jason personally, you know how stubborn he is, n he always did tell me he didn’t want to go cause he was worried of what the dr would say. I never really thought much of his cancer coming back, I didn’t know much about cancer before, especially melanoma. But Jason had had a mole removed when he was 19, along with all of his lymph nodes out of the left side of his neck, I thought that was the end I never thought he/we would be battling it 2 years later, especially to this extent…
The symptoms Jason was having before were his god awful headaches, along with always sleeping, and spitting up bloody mucus at least once a day {early in the morning while he was at work so I never did see it} I tried talking Jason into going to the dr, but we all know how stubborn he is and we all know how busy we were last year, with working full time and going to school. Which really isn’t an excuse, but that’s what were sticking with!
It all began December 22, 2009 we had gotten home from work, and luckily I had gotten a phone call that day telling me class was cancelled and to have a great break, they would see me next year, and Jason was out of school for the holiday, we had gone to Costa Vida and gotten food, it was the same as any other day, we were both exhausted from working that morning and didn’t want to cook. We got home changed into jammies, turned on the TV{we had cable then}we were watching the office {dumb show} ate and Jason had dozed off. He wasn’t asleep too long before he started making a god awful noise, and started convulsing, what happened next was kind of a blur, but I did call 911, screaming n balling, telling the operater that my husband was having a seizure, {or what I thought was to be one since I had never seen one before.} I remember having to pull Jason off the couch onto the floor so he would be on a hard flat surface in case I had to start CPR. Poor Frankie was in between jasons legs, and was getting squished, I had to put him in the kennel so he wouldn’t get in the way of the EMT’s. Jasons seizure lasted a little over a minute, which after he started his heavy odd breathing, which is just about as scary as the seizure itself. I had opened the door, turned on the porch light {even tho it was still light outside, its to show what house to go to} for some reason the 911 operator had hung up the phone with me but had called me back to tell me that the officer was at the house saying that it was an open lot {idiot} she made me go out n stand on the lawn even tho the ambulance and fire truck were parked in front of my house. The EMT’s came in took jasons vitals got his drug list {none} all his info then tried putting him on the stretcher….Jason is quite the fighter, especially when he is out of it. It took I believe 3 emts to get him strapped down. They had threatened him more than once that they were going to get a drug to make him calm down, but Jason finally started working with them… he was yelled BABY!! The entire time, “don’t this to me! Let me go!” which again started my crying!
After the operator had gotten off the phone with me I called my mom, and thankfully she n my dad were in logan finishing up their xmas shopping…they rushed right over. I rode in the ambulance to the hospital with Jason, he was starting to come to so wasnt fighting as much anymore. My mom called jasons dad, told him what was going on {there was no way I could talk}. Jason was taken for a CT scan of his brain. My parents were in the waiting room when the dr came in to tell us there was a bleed in jason’s brain, so they would be transferring us to the UofU hospital in SLC, to have more tests done. I went straight to the waiting room..crying of course…n we broke the rule of only 2 or 3 people in the room. There was my parents along with jasons dad brother n sister.
We were transferred to SLC via ambulance, my family was to follow and meet us there. When we arrived they took Jason back for an MRI, which took forever, while he was there the dr had come in and spoken with me about jasons medical history, and said right off the bat that his guess would be that it was his cancer moving up from his neck. After talking to the dr, the nurse came in and told me the MRI was going to take about an hour, so I could go out in the waiting room with family if I wanted to…I did J my parents n sisters were there {along with their significant others} and Jasons sister n husband were there.
About 2 hours later they moved Jason up to the Neuro ICU, where the nurses are bitches! That don’t know what they are doing! It took 2 nurses 3 tries each to get one of jasons Iv’s in. and the one went fishing for a vein, so Jason ended up with a HUGE bruise… we had been told they were thinking of removing the tumor surgically, but obviously we didn’t.
The next morning my parents came back along with jasons other sister n husband. Jason had gone for an MRI of his chest abdomen and pelvis. After which he was moved to the acute side of the hospital {much nicer!} Later that day the dr finally came in and told us that the MRI had shown some spots{7} in jasons lungs. And later that night a dr from the huntsman had come over to talk to us about our options. He explained the radio surgery, and said that would happen in January, said we would get to go home before xmas, and he hoped we could enjoy our holiday… he was the one who told us about the IL2 and that Jason would have a 6-8% chance of beating this. Then everyone left, so Jason n I could talk to the dr alone. Im not sure I ever told people what we talked about, but you are all finding out now. We asked about fertility, and got more personal explanations of everything which is nice, he made sure we fully understood EVERYTHING. He told us he would get info on a sperm bank {which we later found out the IL2 wouldn’t have an effect of spermies} it was such an emotional night im not sure how the dr fully understood anything that was coming out of my mouth. Im sure I am missing a lot of what was said that night, but I remember like it was yesterday how Jason had told the dr the biggest thing he was worried about was me, because if he died it would overall effect me more than him.
We got to come home the next day, my parents came over and took us home…
So theres the story, I know its long, and im sure ive missed stuff but im balling so that’s my excuse! Now for the second part of our 1 year ago…
In the past year Jason n I have become closer than I thought we could ever be, we have had to talk about everything from babies, to life insurance, wills, and death. Not exactly the first things you think to talk about in your second year of marriage… We have had multiple dr visits, hospital stays, crys, laughs and hugs…along with words of hate. {never towards eachother, always from others} we have been talked down to, up to, at, and about, we have lost family n friends knowing that our life would be easier without them and honestly it has been. We have learned who is here to really help and show support {and become extremely close with family and new friends}, and who we were better off having nothing to do with. We have learned to live our life with this dark cloud constantly following us around and still be able to have a good time. We have a whole new appreciation for our jobs! And our community, with all the love and support we have been shown along with the generosity from so many people we are so thankful for! We have learned to voice our opinions, this is a BIG one for me, and stand up for ourselves. We have learned how to act with bad news, in public and private. We have been able to keep a private life although everything is so public. This hasn’t been the year I expected to have in 2010 but it’s the one I was dealt so im trying my hardest to live it up with my Love, and I am thankful its over and hope that the new year will bring on better news.
Tuesday, December 28, 2010
were free
well we finally got to come home the 27, we left the hospital around 330ish and headed to idaho. We had to wait for JAsons sodium levels to come back, whcih ended up being 139 when we left. We were told the entire time in the ICU that his sodium needed to be 145-150, then they decided jasons would be good at 140-145.
sadly we didnt make it in time for Chris's wedding, so we went straight to idaho after leaving the hospital.
Sunday, December 26, 2010
december 26, 2010
December 25, 2010
Friday, December 24, 2010
December 24, 2010
Thursday, December 23, 2010
December 23, 2010
Wednesday, December 22, 2010
december 22, 2010 evening
december 22, 2010
Tuesday, December 21, 2010
December 20, 2010
Jason had chemo today. I know I said earlier that he wouldn’t be having anymore chemo, but I lied! No, steve called the beginning of last week, and asked if he wanted the last dose of chemo, okayed it through the Huntsman and scheduled us to be there Sunday and Monday. We had to be there {Twin falls, Idaho} Sunday for labs, they all have to be done the day before so the drugs can be shipped from Boise. We were told the front desk and lab had everything we needed so it wouldn’t be any trouble getting labs done, they really lied! We sat around for over a half hour waiting for orders to be found, well they weren’t found{until after we left!}, so we had to wait for the on call dr to be called, then had to practically argue with him over the phone with what we needed {he was a prick!} finally he agreed to order labs, but no UA, so Jason got his blood drawn, and we had the rest of the day to blow…
Monday we had to meet with the dr at 1130, but of course didn’t see him until after 12, then had to wait for the chemo…we were told it had arrived while we were seeing the dr, but just didn’t get started with his chemo until almost 3! And we were taken back to start chemo at 1! We finally finished with chemo around 430, but had to sit for an hour for observation. All in all it made for a LONG day… Jason is now done with the clinical trial, he will have a follow up appointment with Dr G at the Huntsman to decide if he qualifies to be in the second session of the trial, if he does he will start that in about 12 weeks.
The elementary school in Snowville, had their Christmas program Monday night, we were supposed to make an appearance…but since chemo ran late we didn’t make it in time :’( we felt awful! Wanted to be there so badly, but we were called and sang to over the phone! The children had done a fundraising type thing, asked for donations for us so we could have a merry Christmas! It was such an amazing thing! Since we didn’t make it Monday night, we went in Tuesday morning and saw the kids… We had been there for about 5-10 minutes waiting for the kids to finish recess when Jason puked…ALL over! So the kids got an extra long recess while we got Jason all cleaned up and changed into fresh clothes. We didn’t want the kids to get too close, since its cold n flu season and jasons immune system is pretty well shot right now. So the kids stood outside the classroom and sang a few songs to us, gave us letters they had written and a jar of money they had collected for us{and about 4 boxes of food!!}. They were all so cute and it was such a wonderful experience I don’t think there was a dry eye in the place! In between songs they all wished for Jason to get better… I heard some of the stories of how the children acted throughout the entire experience and it just amazes me how giving they all can be at such a young age. One child had brought in his tooth fairy money to give to us, one little girl felt she needed to give us her ornament that she had made. I am also told that in their letters to santa some of the students wished for Jason to get better, hopefully I will get a copy on the Tremonton newspaper to share the letters!
I am so thankful for coming from such an amazing community, they never cease to amaze me with all their love and support!
Jason has been passed out since we got back to my moms from the school, he isn’t feeling the best today, im unsure if its from the chemo or something in his brain, on the ride home Jason was having a lot of troubles with his words. Our trip began in Cincinnati, we hit up Hollywood, Bali, and ended in snowville! {had to hit up all the big cities!} he was stuck on the number 124 when he was trying to tell people what mile marker we were at…it is all fun n games, we laugh but it worries me so much, that something that shouldn’t be going on is…I try to keep a good spirit with it but after so long it gets frustrating, when Jason takes over 5 minutes to tell me one sentence, its hard for us both to handle…
Wednesday, December 15, 2010
staples are gone!
Wednesday, December 8, 2010
pathlogy report
So as of now the plan is to go back to the Huntsman in a month have an MRI and hopefully schedule another brain surgery, the dr is confident that there is at least 1 more operable tumor, and hopefully the MRI will show that he can get to more than just the one.
We will be meating with both of Jason's Neurosurgeons which means radiation might be an option, were hoping the steriotactic radio surgery, which jason had done to the first tumor in January 2010 {and it was DEAD!}
but that is all we know as of now, as we find stuff out ill let you all know! :)
Clinical trial-
we have been done with the clinical trial for a while now, Jason only received 2 of the 4 doses because of his up in steroids, along with the surgery. We planned on starting the second session at the huntsman, but now with the possible 2nd brain surgery we are unsure that he will get back into it...
Monday, December 6, 2010
12-6-10
Saturday, December 4, 2010
post surgery Saturday 12-4
Friday, December 3, 2010
post surgery Friday 12-3
Thursday, December 2, 2010
surgery...
Wednesday, December 1, 2010
surgery
just thought i would let you all know! ;)
Monday, November 29, 2010
thank you! to whoever you may be.. :)
we received a gift in the mail the other day {not sure when it came we dont check our mail too often!} it was a gift card to pier 49 pizza! and was sent with no letter, or return address so we could stalk whoever sent it to us ;) but wanted to be sure to thank whoever you may be! so i hope you read this and know that we are very thankful for your generosity! :)