needless to say the headstone DIDNT come in wednesday. but it DID come today! {friday 18}

i was so worried it wouldnt be delivered since it was snowing like crazy out here today. not mention the fact it was supposed to be delivered back in August...and they have rescheduled about ten times.

remember how i switched the stone to get it delivered sooner?...well we ended up with the stone i originally ordered....so who knows if it was just some excuse to take longer to deliver {which i'm sure they regretted when putting the stone in during a blizzard along with about 4 inches on the ground}

i was very upset with the business and how long they took to deliver. but now that it is here...it is perfect.

just getting there...

 digging the grass up, for the cement block to go into

 leveling it out

 lowering the cement block down

 they lowered the base, centered it, then put this putty stuff down and removed the sticks underneath it

 they put the stick on top of the base then lowered the top down onto it, centered it, put the calk around then removed the sticks

 removing the excess calk that was pushed out by the weight of the stone

the finished product...love it.

today was Jason's birthday, i started having issues last night while reading the comments on his FB wishing him a happy bday...but overall i think i did pretty good with the day...{the next week will be hard/er}

we had his party at the cemetery, had a pretty good time, didtn start crying until i was writing wesleys message for jason on a balloon...then i lost it, gained control, lost it again...

we let go 23 balloons, Jason would be 23 today...we all wrote a message on them...n let them go at the end of happy birthday. there wasnt a dry eye by the end of happy birthday, i didnt make it thru happy...

 all the balloons

 reubens message to Jason!

 timari n family message

{everyone wrote a message, i just got pix of these for timari, since she couldnt be there...}

 me with my balloon

 letting our balloons go

ritz from timari ♥

Jason's birthday is at the end of the month {30} and i want to do something. as of right now, im planning a balloon release and cake n ice cream up at the cemetery....just unsure of the time, dont want it to be in the middle of the day, n not too early so probably early evening :)

so this is your invite if you want to come, but let me know so we have enough stuff for everyone....

memorial day 2011

it will always be Hope and Jason. i know Jason will always be with me.{i feel him everyday} we have an amazing strong bond, LOVE for each other, and made a connection that some will never make. and that will never end. but i cannot write on the hope and jason blog...i will add things now and again i am sure...things that include the both of us....but right now i feel its my fight. my fight against anger, sadness, loneliness...and to learn to live again. therefore i have made a blog for me, for my fight.

i have had a lot of people tell me that people were asking why the funeral and everything was in snowville, well since nobody has the nerve to as me...i will answer!

Jason always wanted to be cremated...but when it came down to it i couldnt do it...i needed a place to go visit him...n i needed some kind of closure, where as if he was cremated i would have him sitting on my mantle/shelf and take him with me throughout my life, and that would be more difficult that what i am dealing with now....

so tuesday night i laid in the chair with jason for about 3+ hours, talking about it...asking questions, telling him my thoughts.... and he agreed that being buried in snowville, next to my younger brother would work great....

we never talked about it before tuesday {except him saying he wanted to be cremated} we never planned on this being the outcome of our battle...we planned to {and did} fight until the end, working on a miracle...

april 15, 2011

thank you all for your love and support thru the past couple weeks. everyone tells me it will get easier with time, but as of right now it just keeps getting harder. it still feels like a bad dream, that im going to wake up from any minute and jason will be here with me. its hard to believe i have to live the rest of my life without him...that i will never hear his voice again, kiss him, or hug him....

i have so many questions but no answers...

i want to go home, but i am so scared to be there alone, in a house full of what our lives were...

everything reminds me of us, a story of something we did once, in our short time together...

i have no idea how i still have tears...i feel like i should be dried up by now...

i feel cheated.

i lay in the chair, all day and night...with no idea on what i am supposed to do now...

i never knew i could hurt this badly {physically and emotionally}

i feel so lost.

i miss him so much.

obituary

Jason Schenk (1988 - 2011)

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LOGAN - Jason Schenk, 22, husband of Hope Keller Schenk, passed away following a courageous battle with melanoma cancer April 6, 2011, surrounded by those he loved. He was born July 30, 1988, in Logan, Utah, a son of John Lyman and Nancy Marie Kelsey Schenk.
He was raised and educated in Cache Valley and lived in Nibley and Hyrum, graduating from Mountain Crest High School. He worked for Albertsons for a time, then with J.W.C. Construction Co.
He met the love of his life, Hope Keller, and they were married Aug. 8, 2008, in Snowville, Utah. They then resided in Logan, where Jason enrolled at Stevens-Henegar College. While attending school, Jason was employed at Gossner's Co. He was a very hard worker all his life.
Jason enjoyed camping, hiking, traveling, lounging around the house and especially riding his motorcycle.
His greatest love was spending time with his sweetheart, Hope, who was also his best friend. He is survived by his wife, Hope of Logan; his parents; one brother, Zachary Schenk of Logan; two sisters, Tina (Randy) Wood of Lewiston, Utah, and Kandice (Cody) Frederick of Nibley, Utah; parents-in-law, Tim (Jennifer) Keller of Stone, Idaho; grandparents, Marjorie Kelsey of Ogden, Utah, and LaMont (Rhea) Schenk of Nibley; and several nieces and nephews. He was preceded in death by his grandfather, Lawrence Kelsey; grandmother, Ada Schenk; and a brother-in-law, Steven Keller.
Funeral services will be held at noon Wednesday, April 13, in the Curlew LDS Ward chapel in Snowville, Utah. Friends may visit with the family from 6 to 8 p.m. Tuesday at the church in Snowville and from 10:30 to 11:30 a.m. Wednesday at the church. Burial will follow in the Snowville Cemetery. Condolences may be sent online at www.horsley funeralhome.com.
Arrangements are under the care and direction of the Horsley Funeral Home of Malad.
"I lovers you forever, my superman."- Love, Hope

funeral

viewing will be Tuesday April 12, 6-8 pm. funeral will be held wednesday April 13, 12 noon, with a viewing time prior starting at 11. at the snowville church house {where we were married} Snowville, Utah. he will be buried in the snowville cemetery.

April 6, 2011

jason passed today around 4..while laying in the chair with me by his side holding on {pretty much for dear life}surrounded by those who love him more than words can ever explain.

i lovers you my superman..{forever}

April 4, 2011

the day started out pretty good, jason was talking to me while we were laying in bed, then we got him up and showered {it was a bit of a rough shower} after his shower got him on the couch and started his morning meds...well shortly after finishing his morning pills jason started to seize. we believe he had 4 before the ambulance got here. while at the hospital they did a chest xray to check on his pneumonia, then later did a CT scan of his brain. the xray showed the pneumonia so they did a iv antibiotic, {after poking him about a million times they finally got the iv started, even poked the port 6 times!! WTF?!} the CT scan showed that there are new lesions {we already knew this} and they had grown, and he was bleeding, couldnt tell you if it was the right or left side the dr changed his mind each time he told us. they wanted to send us to the university {we were at the hospital in tremonton} but there was no point in it, they have already washed their hands of us. so after telling the dr like 3 different times that we werent going down there unless they were actually going to do something for us, he finally understood. so he called our neurosurgeon who informed him that if we wanted he could try n remove the bleeding in his brain, but other than that there was nothing they could do.

so after about 5 hours in the er{5 very long emotional hours}, we finally go to come home {idaho} where friends n family met us, along with the hospice nurse. {yes jason is officially on hospice}

the hospice nurse brought oxygen, a mucus sucker {it helps A LOT to get the crap he coughs up out of his mouth} morphine, ativan, and personal supplies. we refused a hospital bed, and my parents bought a recliner, {jason never wanted a hospital bed} then there was the paperwork....one of the hardest things i have ever done is fill out my 22 year old husbands DNR.

{sorry if i left a lot out...but im sure you all understand}

march 30-april 3

30-we went to malad today, j laid down n had like 10 treatments at once :) he also had his back put back into place {the simple way, will hopefully get it better soon} the morning didnt start out the best, but got better while we were at the dr. while sitting in the waiting room i was talking to jason, i usually end up having to ask him if he is going to talk to me, and his response- what up playa?! ;) gotta love the little things! after getting home we helped him lay down on the couch, and was getting ready to hook him up to the rife machine, the visiting teachers pulled up {so we waited on the rife treatment} Jason received a blessing {and was sawing logs the entire time!} after the blessing we hooked jason up to the rife and got his treatment in :) OH! ans we got our rife machine today, so no more having to borrow it!

31-last night was a bad night :( jason was complaining of pain, a lot! finally i got some pain meds down him and he calmed down a little...we went to malad again today {we usually go every other day, but the dr isnt in tomorrow} jason did a foot bath {the end result was like a black sludge!} and laid on the table {we do this everytime we go} also put jasons back back into place {simple way, do this every time we go too...} it was hard to get jason talked into leaving, he is always so relaxed while we are there...after the dr we came home {idaho} and jason passed out on the couch...

1-well today was my day off {kinda} i went to logan to get some stuff done, cleaned the house, figured out insurance, got prescriptions refilled, figured out a couple bills, visited some people at work and got my ring cleaned :) {looks so much better! ♥ the little things...like a lil more sparkle} and made a couple appointments...overall very productive day...Jennifer and April were hanging out with jason while i ran over to logan, they informed me it was a bad day, he complained a lot about being in pain, wouldnt eat, drink, or talk to them...but was completely different when i got home...i got him to finish a banana drink some of his chocolate milk {new protein powder mix, has so much more stuff in it than the matrix meal} he sat up talked to me for a little while...and was overall from what im told completely different! April had called me to ask what pain pills to give jason and to tell me that it was his head and his right eye that was hurting him, so i had her run the brain swelling on the rife machine, and she informed me that it made a huge difference that his left side was extremely swollen and hard, but after the rife treatment, it went down, a lot!

2-- well today has been a little rough...while jason was in the shower this morning he was having a really hard time sitting up, kept leaning to the right...couldnt stand, complained a lot of pain, slept most of the day, and was randomly saying uhuh... and talking a lot, but i couldnt make out what he was saying, i dont know if he was dreaming, talking to the tv or what... he still isnt standing...which makes it hard to transfer since he is so much taller than the rest of us! and he definitely wasnt drinking enough today! so we will either be taking him to the hospital for an IV tomorrow or monday {going to see if our dr will hook us up with one} im certain his dehydration has a lot to do with his pain {obviously so does all the tumors, but we have all felt dehydrated{hangover} and know how painful it is}

3-today started out pretty good! jason was talkin a lot this morning before getting out of bed ♥ got him up showered and moved to the couch {where he spends all day} got his morning pills in, with chocolate milk {he was pretty excited about that} he talked the whole time, just his regular self :) his neck has been way bad cramped today, but wouldnt let me rub it any to make it somewhat better...he had a massive leg cramp...he was quiet then just started "fuck, fuck fuck fuuuck" :( but rubbing it seemed to help a lot. he was complaining of pain but all in his leg, so he refused pain pills. he ate some soup for dinner! woohoo! he isnt eating much but more than he was a few days ago! he is hooked up to the rife machine, doing detox, fungal infection and cancer...we got jason to try to stand today before putting him in bed...he could stand pretty well with his left leg but had issues with his right...but at least he attempted to stand, he hasnt stood for us for a few days now :(

we do rife treatments everyday and have recently started doing the detox one every other day. it is hard to get jason to drink enough to flush everything out of him, so im going to see if our dr will hook him up with a saline bag and possibly some Vit C, to help flush all the toxins and dead cancer out! and keep him hydrated. we are still doing ozone every other day, but R had to take his machine back so hopefully we will get it back soon to start back up on them....jason has said he wanted meat so he had a little bit of hamburger the other night {like 5 tiny pieces but enough to satisfy him!} he still hardly eats, so we got new powder with a lot more vitamins and just good stuff for him...we refer to it as chocolate milk, he seems to like it so i try to get him to drink as much of it as possible, he is still on all his vitamins/minerals its just a lot harder to get them all in since he is on the antibiotic...still having issues with his bladder and lately bowels too...but i know he is NOT eating enough to be putting out what he is, so the treatments have to be working! the dead cancer/toxins have to be pushed out of the body somehow and thats whats happening! he has been really weak lately, but who wouldnt be with all the treatments n death of cancer going on in their body?! i really want to get his weight to see where we are at, but that is going to take some time...since he isnt standing like at all...so once he gets some strength back i will update on his weight! the past few days he has been sweating A LOT, so he is ridding his body of toxins that way, just need to get him to drink more so that can help flush them out

after talking to martha{lent us her rife, close friend of the family} she believes that jason doesnt have pneumonia, that it is the broken up cancer cells from his lungs, and the only way to get them out is to hack em up!! and i am believing it! :) {fever n such could be from UTI, so we still need the antibiotic}

thank you all who commenting on the blog! its great to hear from everyone n their reason of reading the blog! {i like hearing how amazing we are} ;) but really we have been surrounded by so much negativity from people since the beginning, its great to have all positive. thank you all for that.

so to answer a few questions-

foot bath- is used to pull toxins out of the body, you can tell where it is detoxing by the color of the water at the end...so far we have been detoxing jason's liver, gallbladder, and tobacco...certain its all the chemo that has been left behind!

jasons swelling- i honestly believe he looks less swollen because of the 20 lbs he has lost in the last 2 weeks...but possibly a little is from the treatments {hopefully}...

his legs..the left one is EXTREMELY smaller than the right, and he is having issues with standing and walking because of his legs getting smaller and weaker...this is happening because jasons body has seemed to have attacked the left side more than the right, with eating away at his muscle...because he doesnt eat enough to stay out of starvation mode..

OH! we are redoing the spot on jason's back...and it is A LOT bigger this go around!!

seem to be having more bad days than good...which makes it difficult to stay positive, but were still working on our miracle and are trying our hardest to stay positive that the outcome will be in our favor, and we will eventually get back to living out lives the way we want!

there was 237 views yesterday, and not nearly enough comments...i want to know who is readign the blog :) so comment!! who you are, where your from...you know the works!

pictures!

us on st pattys day{actually i believe its the day before}

frankie ♥

not much to say about this one...this is jason :)

bouncing his feet to keep his lymph system workin...we took a banana break!

the ozone machine

ozone...jason refers to it as frozen air...

the rife machine

we switch back n forth hooking it to his feet and hands

after laying on the heating pad for about 2 hours this lovely thing popped up. at first we thought it was a blister...but we were told otherwise!

so we put some black salve on it!

and when we took it off it looked like this...

a day later
a few days later, started to dry out..

getting dryer, pulling cancer out

uber dry, it stayed like this for about a week...

then fell off! i know not a great pic but it will have to do, it just really pink and tender :)

foot bath beginning

middle

end

love being noticed! ;)

lets face it...we all LOVE being noticed {good noticed} we told being told were pretty, our clothes are cute, our hair is great...and our wedding ring is gorgeous! {it really is! no worries i will be posting a pic!} we just love being noticed! n i REALLY love being noticed! lol jason still to this day {even with no sight} tells me im looking sexy, beautiful, gorgeous..you know the works! {okay he doesnt see but he gets a feel!} ;)

now i love being complimented on things, and i love being told that people read the blog...i know its not a waste of time because it will help us remember the fight, good and bad, helps me express my feelings to help not build too much anger up...and will also let jason know what all happened it the months that he will not remember {im not going to lie pretty jealous he doesnt have to remember!}

i love checking the stats of the blog and seeing who is reading the blog, where they are from.. we seriously get people who search for us from canada, saudi arabia, russia, EVERYWHERE! and seeing what blog lists we are one {we are on 4!}

so i guess what im getting at is..show some love! ;) let me know your reading the blog, who you are where your from how you found us...why you keep reading :)

not the best pic but best one i could get! ;)

March 21-29

okay i know its late....but its finally here...

21-we weighed jason today, he is 165.5 {down 10 lbs, but took a while to get here} we did the rife machine, for cancer n fungus. it was a pretty lame day, he slept all day. Major pervert when he got into bed ;) {but thats just him!} WEre still pushing water like crazy, and attempting to get him to eat as much as possible, but with the weight loss, i am starting to give him glasses of milk with matrix meal in it to at the very least maintain his weight, but hoping he gains a little. He had an attitude like all day! {towards everything, shower, eating, drinking.} he never complained of a headache but complained of his hips hurting...

22-we went to pocatello today, got high dose IV vitamin C. the ride there was hell, the roads were awful! we went off once but luckily got back on before we hit the mailboxes! {we went thru arbon valley} we were give A LOT of information, and then jason was infused! he was very lethargic, not talking couldnt sit up straight, before the infusion, but perked right up afterwards! :)

23-overall it was a good day, lame one but good, we did the rife machine, and ozone. Jason started having issues with his bladder control, but we are figuring it has to do with the infusion from yesterday hydrated him and is flushing toxins out! :)

24-it was a good day, did rife machine, heating pad. pushing fluids and food as much as i can...along with all of his vitamins...i called the clinic in malad today to see if they do IV Vit C, since its less than half the drive to pocatello...we have an appointment monday to see what they have going on :)

25- well we were supposed to go to pocatello today, but when we got up jason didnt want to...and it was snowing, so after cancelling that appointment, i called malad, and we had an appointment for 3 :) first thing the dr said when he saw jason was-his back is OUT, and i believe he has parasites. While there, the dr took a blood drop and put it under the microscope and showed us everything in his blood, the black cancer cells and parasites {seriously!!} 3 different kinds of parasites so jason is on drops for those, after the blood scan jason had a foot bath, which was crazy, the water started out clear and by the end of it, you couldnt see his feet thru the water!! after the foot bath, jason laid down on a table/bed and received 10 different treatments at once {aromatherapy, light, sound, and lots more i dont remember} i havent seen him that relaxed in so long!! it was great. after an hour on the table he put jasons back, back into place then we were headed home...he ate and was awake the entire ride home! :)) we also got meds for his eyes, which we are hoping will bring back jasons eye site...

26-Jason has had a cough for the past few days but it seems to be getting worse and he is obviously starting to feel worse than before {as if it was possible!}

27-pretty lame day, and usual day, rife, ozone, sleep...he ate a little bit of dinner! tried shoving as much liquid as possible down him, but it gets difficult. Jason informed us when we were getting him into the shower that he could see!!!! only outlines but its much more than what he could see the day before!! later in the day i asked if he could see me, he told me no, then told me it goes in and out {comes and goes} we weighed jason he is 155.5. UGH!!! so giving him even more matrix meal and shoving as much food in him as i can!!

28-today was a BAD day. it started out good, jason got up showered, ate breakfast, did a rife treatment then passed out...then we had an appointment in malad...getting him up toileted and in the car sucked...but was NOTHING compared to how he was at the drs...he couldnt hold his head up, hold his bottle of water, his banana also couldnt stand...so we got new drops for his adrenal system, and did a treatment in hopes to give him some energy...didnt seem to help much until after we got home. While at the dr, he put by neck and back back into place, which was AMAZING...until we got home and was getting jason out of the car...BAM! it was out once again... {UGH} we got him onto the couch, he slowly started to come back....i HATE bad days!

29- today was so much better than yesterday!! its amazing! complete turn around. jason slept in, when he got out of bed, we got him showered pills in him, half of a banana and close to 2 cups of milk {soy} with some matrix meal. he has been awake pretty much all day, talking to us...told us he could see! told me i was wearing my glasses... :)) then a little while later it was gone, but once again sight coming and going is more than what we had a week ago! so we will take it!! we did the ozone today and hopefully will have the rife machine tomorrow! :) so jason has pneumonia {yes AGAIN} he is coughing, lethargic {more so than usual} very stuffed up and mucusy, he is coughing up mucus that is the lovely color of green, and sadly doesnt have enough energy to hack it all out of his lungs...he also has a fever that comes and goes...so after a couple of phone calls, i got his oncologist {one we no longer see} agree to ordering him some antibiotics {yay right?! HA!} jennifer went to get them for us, she gets there and finds out the drug they ordered is no longer made! {WTF?!} so after waiting almost 2 hours they finally called back with a new drug...jennifer gets home im looking at the bottle and it reads- do not take antacids, iron, or vitamins/mineral supplements within 8 hours before or 4 hours after this medicine. WTF?!? the dr knows that we are doing the natural way of healing {since medical did such a wonderful job!} so obviously we are going to be on a butt load of vitamins/minerals, and we take them around the clock, jason is taking pills when he wakes up in the middle of the night to pee! so after re-figuring the med schedule like 3 different times finally figured a way that will hopefully work for the next 10 days...

i know im not going into as much detail as possible {or as usual}, but finding time to do this and trying to remember it all at once, is DIFFICULT!! {feel free to try it!} so if you have questions please ask, cause im certain if one person has a question theres like ten out there with the same question! :)

Im trying to get jason to eat as much as possible, and when he won eat i am giving him milk/juice with matrix meal in it to hopefully help his weight issue...we have had some major issues with bladder control this week but hoping it will get better soon. still very confident that we are now doing the right thing, and jason will be cured, obviously its going to take some time but will be well worth it! we are doing the ozone every other day, rife machine everyday we get it {but luckily i come from an AMAZING family who all put there change and extra dollars together and came up with the money for one, so jason will get treatment everyday!!}

quick note.

so i just have something to say real quick...n ill get on either later today or tomorrow to give the weekly progress...

so when i check the blog i always check the stats, i like to see how many people are checking out the blog and where they are from {we get people looking at it from ALL over the world!} and it also shows me what people search and our blog shows up...well weve had a few odd things like about brain surgery, and sleeping too much, and ipilimumab {clinical trial, which was just approved by the FDA, hopes it works better for others than it did for us!} but i got on and looked last night and was really bugged by what i found. someone had searched: jason schenk obituary utah. now i know my hubby isnt the only jason schenk in utah out there, but when i searched it {have to do research before i bitch} noone in utah named jason schenk had died so it gets my brain overthinking things and i have a good idea on who would be searching this {someone we dont allow in our lives for obvious reasons} but i have something to say to all...

KEEP YOUR NEGATIVE THINKING TO YOURSELF, DONT SEARCH NEGATIVE THINGS WHEN LOOKING FOR OUR BLOG IF YOU CANT REMEMBER IT ADD IT TO YOUR FAVORITES!! WE DONT NEED THE NEGATIVE ENERGY N THOUGHTS SENT OUR WAY!! {and if you have to search to see if someone has died, maybe then you can see how much they didnt want you in their lives.}

okay i think that is all i have to say on that matter...

March 13-20

13th- good day! {no falls} Jason's appetite has kind of diminished a little, but he is still eating enough i would say, not nearly as much as he used to but it'll work!

14th-R came over, brought over an Ozone machine. it is hooked to a stethoscope n puts ozone straight into jasons head thru his ears :) its pretty rank, but R has personally cured 2 people with brain cancer with this, so were trying it!! R told us that inside the house to do it for about 15 minutes at a time, 2-3 times a day {not the healthiest to breath in} but if we did it outside it wouldnt matter much how long we did it. Ozone, is a free radical, so it attaches to other cells, so when jason gets a treatment it attaches to his cancer cells, and kills them. today was a really good day, Jason was up walking much steadier {not by himself} he was eating, wide awake and talking to us A LOT.

15th- Martha a friend of the family came over today, and brought over a Rife Machine. It uses certain frequencies to blast cancer cells! so we gave it a try :) and will keep doing it as long as we need to {and martha will lend it to us :)} also our heating pad came today! so we had jason on it as well. We think we kind of over did it on treatments today...Jason took all of his herbal things, along with the Rife machine, the heating pad and an ozone treatment :) overall it was a good day...until about 9 pm...jason was laying on the heating pad, and got overheated {were unsure how hot he was about 10 minutes after sitting up, drinking water and putting a cold rag on his head, his temp was 99} he couldnt talk, could hardly sit up, honestly i thought he was having a seizure {thank god he wasnt!!} but once we got his temp back down to normal he seemed almost back to his regular self...he was extremely exhausted. So we know we over did it a little today, and will take tomorrow a little easier, but according to jason its a GREAT thing we over did it! were killing the cancer! We have an appointment next tuesday {22} with Dr. West in Pocatello, Idaho. He does everything that R does and more, so were going to go up to him and see what else he recommends. Timari brought to our attention a while ago, Vit C intravenously, it sound promising, but that closest hospitals/drs that i could find were in nevada and Arizona, come to fin out Dr West does them in Pocatello! so we are pretty excited to give it a try.

16th-we did the Rife machine today, for cancer and pain...it KNOCKED jason out! after he finished it, he slept for a straight 4-5 hours without budging...we didnt do the ozone and he didnt lay on the heating pad..kinda nervous to over do it again...

17- well this morning started really good..jason started the Rife machine around 9:15, he did the cancer treatment and fungus {they have done research showing that cancer in the brain is caused by fungus} he was up for another hour then passed out, but we know that he needs to sleep to heal so we strongly believe the Rife machine is working! he also did a dose of ozone and is now in bed laying on the heating pad {its 11pm}

18-well last night SUCKED! we were up about every 45 minutes, jason either had to pee needed help moving his leg {he has a really hard time moving his left leg} or just wanted to get up stand for a second then was ready to lay back down! so needless to say jason slept all day and luckily i got a nap in! today started out okay. and got a little worse through out the day...jason received his ozone treatment, Rife treatment and was on the heating pad for most of the day, he slept most of the day but that understandable, he is usually sleeping, but he got overheated again and it took a little longer to get his temperature back down but once we did all was good, he ate cereal for dinner {didnt want to do anything too hot since we were trying to get his temperature down} after dinner he showered and went to bed...

19- Last night was much better we only got up 3 maybe 4 times, which was GREAT!! he ate a banana for breakfast, then has pretty much slept all day, had some salad for lunch and has told me he doesnt want dinner, ill give it another try here in a few minutes tho! we didnt get the rife machine today and jason didnt want to do the ozone so today has been a pretty lazy and unproductive day. He has pretty much slept all day, had a rough morning didnt want to get out of bed couldnt get comfortable, i think he was stressed with yesterdays activities. BUT we have had NO falls today, and i hope i dont jinx it!! it now takes 3 of us to get him up off the floor, but thats not going to stop me from making him walk! we got the little trampoline from steppy n jesses today, jason was doin really good standing on it bouncing a little to keep his lymph nodes working well {since he has none on the left side of his neck it take a little more work} but now we just have him sit up on the couch with his feet on the trampoline and we bounce for him! {every little bit helps} he was awake talking to us for about an hour but has passed out again....so jason wouldnt eat dinner, and we actually DID get the rife machine, just really late {after midnight} but we will take whatever we can get! i ran him on cancer and skin problems then we were out for the night!

20- we started the day out late, well jason did. he finally got out of bed a little after 1. but before getting out of bed he took all of his meds {herbal n morning} and got 2 treatments on the Rife machine {cancer brain swelling} when we finally got him to get out of bed he drank some milk {with some tocotriene complex in it{its new}} then passed out. Tina and Kandice came out to visit today, jason sat up for them for a little while then went back to sleep, he didnt say much just told them he didnt have much to say {who can blame him his life is practically sleeping} we gave jason an ozone treatment, he isnt a big fan because he totally freezes during them but we make it work! he actually ate dinner and had some ice cream after {i made us some vegan no added sugar ice cream which is DELISH!!} he sat up talked to us for a little while, listened to the tv and randomly laughed or said eww {we were watching dexter} and after explaining to him that it was after 11 PM we finally got him to go to bed and now he is out cold!

Jason is still going strong with being vegan {im more vegetarian {STILL?! I KNOW!!}} im still trying very hard to make it that the only sugar he gets is from FRESH fruit and veggies, but its harder than it sounds EVERYTHING has sugar in it, its ridiculous!! his appetite has gone down quite a bit this past week, but he ate more dinner than he has been so im hoping its going to slowly come back, and one of these days im really going to weigh him to see where we at...he is still wide awake talking to me between 4-6 am, which is great he will have a full conversation but WHY cant it be n the afternoon?! :) but ill take what i can get! his personality is coming back a little more each day, which is great!! his eyes arent as puffy {like pushing out of his skull} as they used to be, he still cant see but his pupils are still reacting to light, so im positive that he will get his eyesight back soon. he is still having major issues with his left leg, but earlier today i did see him put it up onto the bed by himself! so he is slowly gaining some strength back! im pushing water as much as i possibly can but he is STUBBORN!! {he needs to drink lots of water to flush the toxins out from the rife treatments, not to mention he just really needs to!}

now i do have pictures of everything that is going on {you all know me, i document EVERYTHING} its just a matter of taking the time to put them on here, but one of these days it WILL happen, i promise!

if you have questions please ask, i know im not going into as much detail as i usually do, but thats because im on an actual computer and not my laptop {i miss my laptop...and home} but when im on my laptop i add random things throughout the day and can be comfortable when typing it all up so i tend to write more and spend more time...

its been a while...

so ive kind of gotten "the talk" for not posting lately, but cut me some slack ive been staying at steppy n jesse's and they dont have internet. so to get you all some-what caught up...

We have been in idaho since Feb 25, we came out for a benefit for a family friend and stayed to meet with a natural healer dude...{not the dude from idaho falls}

the benefit was amazing, i love coming from such a tight community that shows so much love and support to one another! but sadly jason seemed pretty miserable during the whole thing, we used his wheel chair that night {for the first time} cause we knew there was no way he would be strong enough to walk across the gym floor, well he was sick of sitting in it about half-way thru the benefit but didnt want to leave. we finally left it around 1030 pm {i believe it went on until midnight} and headed straight over to steppy n jesse's and have been there since {until today we moved up to tim n jennifers}

well we have good days and bad days...i still believe jason has night and day mixed up {which equals no sleep for me!} we usually end up having a 20-30 minute conversation at like 4 am! his head kills every now and again but not as bad as usual, his pupils have gotten smaller {so we can finally see the blue!} but they get bigger when his head hurts. he has fallen a few times :( but i can usually get him up by myself...except for the past few days...yesterday we had to call someone to come help us get him off the floor he was extremely weak..but today was a better day. He is extremely weak on the left side, he cant really lift his left leg up onto the bed he has to use his arms to pull it up, and when he falls he goes down left side first. he still cant see, but a few days ago he told us he could tell where the windows were and asked me to turn off the light when he went to bed because it was bothering him...then the next day it was back to black. but we are still confident his site will come back once we get rid of some tumors in his brain. Were still strong on Jason being Vegan, he doesnt seem to mind it, and there are so many things out there now that you can hardly tell the difference between them n real meat. We were given a cookbook and im pretty excited to try out some recipes! {had to go grocery shopping, well send someone, we are about an hour from a smiths/maceys}

we have a new natural healer dude...{we will call him R} i was feeling good about the one in idaho falls until the last weekly update i gave them...when i got off the phone with them i just had an awful gut feeling, so we now have a new dude :) he started jason on new herbal things, has put him on funky heating pads and hopefully will start some intense treatment here soon {he has to order stuff big enough for jason} our main goal is to raise jason's body temp high enough to kill the cancer. {keep ALL rude and negative comments to yourself we personally know people this has worked on.}the hard part with jason tho is that fact that most of his cancer is in his brain. within 2 hours of being on the heating pads {ill get a pic next time we use them} a bump had showed up under jasons neck, it looked like a blister so i was worried that he had touched the heating pad with his skin {they get effin hot!} BUT!!! we called R he came over and looked at it, and said that he believes its cancer leaving his body {yes R makes house calls, another reason i am more comfortable with him than the other dude that we NEVER saw and NEVER planned on seeing} so we put some lovely black salve on it and now it is NASTY! we are told it is cancer leaving his body because the heating pad pulled it out. {we also personally know someone who has this too! so again keep your comments to yourself}

i think thats really all that has gone on, i havent been able to weigh jason so im unsure of how much he weighs but he looks like he is staying strong at the same weight {hopefully} if i missed something or you have any questions feel free to ask, now that were at tim and jennifers i have internet so i will be able to check regular {and hopefully update}

the handicap sticker is a go! {well sorta} i got the paper from Jason's oncologist just have to make it to the DMV to get it! :) thanks for your help on that! next task is becoming power of attorney...

side note {hate to bring up/ask} but we are in desperate need of help {yes im asking for money} as you all know were not working, and havent been for a while now but obviously the bills dont stop when money stops coming in...and we still have our regular monthly bills on top of prescriptions, herbals, R treatments...so please...every little bit helps and is GREATLY appreciated...

handicap sticker...

okay we have always joked about getting one of these...but i think we NEED one of these now..to make shopping and going to the hospital a little easier. so i need help, i have no clue how to get one. so PLEASE comment on how i go about getting one of these for jason. It is much appreciated! :)

February 21, 2010

the past week has been a pretty good one. Jason has been up eating real food, usually along with at least one shake a day. He is still big on cereal, he could eat it all day if i let him! were sticking strong with a vegetarian diet, well he is better than i! {we have chicken nuggets that shouldnt go to waste! ;)} Jason is actually closer to vegan that just vegetarian. He still cant see, but he says he can still see shadows, so it hasnt gotten any worse, which is a BIG plus! and earlier today his pupils were dilating, so they are now reacting to light!!

Thursday, i was calling around to find a place to get jasons port flushed, it is supposed to be flushed every 6 weeks...and it was time! i called about 10 different people! {no joke!!} and finally got an appointment made at the infusion clinic at the Logan Regional Hospital. We ordered a wheel chair for jason, so we can go out and about and not worry about how we actually going to get Jason around. Hopefully it will be here early next week.

Friday, jason had is port flushed :) then we went to walmart. we had to get some groceries {its hard to change your diet when you dont have the healthy food!} and we had to get material to make blankets for the benefit this friday. {its for a close family that helped so much at our benefit who is now going thru hell} i didnt get all the shopping done, Jason was tired, the day started out good but went down hill a little later in the afternoon and the wheelchair wal mart offers sucks! so that didnt help matters much.

saturday Jennifer and dallas came over, jennifer hung out with jason while dallas and i went grocery shopping. now we are somewhat set on having a vegetarian diet! :)

Sunday started out pretty good, real early! Jason ate lots, cereal, shake {snack}, chili {lunch} and veggie noodles for dinner... He was having a great day until about 6 pm he started getting a headache, well i guess i should say his headache started getting worse. he went to bed, but got up for dinner, then went back to bed. i woke him up for his pills around midnight, then about a half hour later gave him his ASEA {its like water} he finished drinking it, layed back down, and PUKED EVERYWHERE!!! we HATE having those headaches, he always ends up puking from the pain :( it was a rough night...not much sleep. jason also fell about 3 times, his legs get really weak, and when his head hurts so bad he loses his balance quicker...

so far today its not as bad but close. his head is killing him :( he has gotten up to go to the bathroom but thats it. he hasnt eaten yet, he is just sleepin...jason got up around 5 ate some dinner, but puked it all up after he finished :( and went back to bed! he got back up aroung 730 ate a bowl of cereal and so far has kept it down!! woot woot he is talking more, so his head must be filling a bit better :)now he is complaining of his whole body hurting...got to get him up and moving around so it will hurt less! OH AND!!! jason was weighed thursday, and has lost ONLY 1.3 lbs in the last 9 days!!! woohoo!!!! {the weeks before he was losing 10+ per week!}

thanks...

big thanks to Kari Pierson!! who put Jasons name in the MOM cares employee foundation at Malt-O-Meal. you have no idea how PERFECT the timing was on this. thank you so much!! you are an amazing person! :)

February 16, 2010

it has been a while.... weve had a pretty uneventful past few weeks... We did family photos, for both families, timari came and visited :) carpets have been cleaned, and couch..weve had a few falls few accidents few bad days...Jason has done a complete turn around since the dr appointment {1-25-11} at the dr appointment it was all we could do to get jason out of the car into the wheelchair. He hardley talked. he sat slouched down in the wheelchair with his head down the entire time.

Timaris visit was short and went by way too fast but it was good to have her here! she brought a saint with her that her friend had given her to give jason :) its the saint of miracles and Jason has been wearing it since we got it! thank you! :))

We have started to work with a dr out of Idaho Falls, he is a natropathic dr. He has started jason on C-herb {we started this before talking to him} ASEA, and Matrix Meal {since jason isnt eating enough} He also told us that cancer lives off of meat protein, sugar, processed foods.

Jason has been living off of shakes for the past week+ with fresh fruit n veggies and a couple scoops of the matrix meal. this past saturday he started eating real food, cereal with almond milk {no dairy} last night he ate dinner with me, beef stroganoff {mushrooms in place of beef, DELISH and HEALTHY!}

well now to tell you how he has gotten better! he goes up and down the stairs {we live in a split level home} he was able to go up and down them by himself for a few days but isnt that steady right now. he walked to the mailbox with me the other day {ours isnt in front of our house, its around the corner} no more accidents!! {woot woot!!} he is talking so much more now, making full sentences, i put him thru the lovely group of questions he is asked in the NCCU, he gets them all right! just have to give him enough time to answer. he is still sleeping a lot and has pretty bad headaches the past few days, but is still doing so much better than before!

Jason's pupils have been HUGE lately and he we discovered the other day that he cant see. i wouldnt say he is fully blind, he tells me he can see lights and shadows, i dont know how recent this is but id imagine its been going on for a couple weeks now he just hasnt told us before now.

I still havent called hospice/home health. i dont feel that we need it. or that we will. we are confident jason is getting better and we will be done with drs! now obviously it wont happen over night, but we can already see a difference :)

January 25, 2011

we met with out neuro dudes today, Dr J and Dr S, to go over the scan that was done last thursday {1-25-11} the scan showed that the tumors have grown and there are new ones.

we were given 2 options. full brain radiation, or home health/hospice.

we have already done full brain radiation and it did nothing, and they dont believe it will do anything now, and if it did it would be temporary. after finishing full brain radiation in June we were given hospice as an option and it made jason miserable, sick and exhausted, he slept all the time i can only imagine what it would do now...

we chose home health/hospice

rigid bronch 1-21-11

Jason was taken back for surgery at 12, after 4 pokes trying to get an IV, yes 4!! i pissed off the nurse by telling her that she was only getting one try, and needed to find someone else to come do it, he gets poked too many times...she was a lil ticked...but oh well, Jason shouldnt have to be poked so many times and of course the FISH for the vein! which makes it even worse. it took 3 different people 4 pokes until they FINALLY got a vein, and one of the people was the anesthesiologist, who usually has no problems {she tried getting a vein in his ankle!} she got it second try, she injected him with number stuff {forgot name} so he didnt feel her poking him, thank goodness.

Dr R came in and talked to us before the surgery, he told us that the tumor is definitely bigger now than it has been before, so he is going to go in remove the tumor and scrape out as much as he can like he has done numerous times now. he believes that by removing the tumor the spot in his lung that has collapsed will fill back up {it is the middle of the bottom of his lung {2/3}, we were under the impression it was a small spot but its a little bigger than we were told}

Jason was done with surgery around 115, Dr R came out and talked to me, said he removed as much as he can, the airway is now clear {there is still tumor there that has gone thru the wall, so by removing it there would be a hole in the wall of his bronch which would be BAD!!} but his airway is clear and the 2/3 of his right lung that was collapsed is now inflated! so he can breathe again!! {literally!!} it took him a little longer than expected to wake up, but he came to drank 3 cups of water then we were good to go...he slept the whole way home, and is sleeping now. He has more color to him, so i am hoping that by having the surgery and being able to breath again he will come back to...

i was told yesterday {1-19-11} by Dr G's nurse, that they believe this is the" beginning of the end."

I had written her an email the night before explaining how jason is, he sleeps all day, hardly eats, says only a few words, but they are "I love you" so that seems to help make it a little more bearable. i believe his eyesight is giving him troubles, but he is so far out in zombie land i cant get a straight answer from him. he had been puking for a couple days, but has now gone 2 days without puking. Also, he has had some bladder control issues. which they believe could be caused by melanoma in the spine and pressing on the spinal cord {dr G}

Dr J's nurse also called, and said that he could have possibly gotten a flu bug or something, since he was projectile vomiting, and sleeping so much. later she called back, after talking with the dr, they upped his steroid to 6 mg twice a day, and scheduled us an appointment for tuesday, and a scan to be done today, to see if the cancer has progressed more.

i was also offered counseling, but refused it, i dont see what good it would be to sit around in a big circle and listen to other peoples problems. {thats my take on it} they offered home health care, and to have medical equipment brought in, brought turned it down. Jason is still able to walk and our house is split level so a wheel chair is going to do us NO good, and we sleep in our bed so we dont need an awful hospital one...

its been extremely rough the past couple days, pretty much pure hell. i dont know what it is i am supposed to do, im too young to lose my hubby, and he is far too young to die!

if you would like to help, please just think of something, and dont ask. i dont want to come off as rude, but i dont know what we need, mostly help with bills, jason hasnt worked since juneish and i havent worked since thanksgiving and have no idea when ill be going back. so please if you want to give money there is the pay pal on the top right side of the blog, along with open accounts at America First Credit union and Ireland Bank. {jason schenk charitable account} and if you want to bring dinner or food, or whatever just do it, we are here pretty much everyday. {ill try to post what nights we WONT be home, so you know} we appreciate your generosity.

this post bring back bad memories? like we have been here before...yup here...when we were first told they were pretty well done with us...the reason we went to Arizona.