June 15

well we had an appointment with the main cancer dr yesterday, n i really wish i could say everything was good...but sadly we were bombarded with awful news once again!! Jason had scans done that morning before the dr appointment, so we had a fresh clean view of everything {which sucked!!} The spots in his brain have pretty much doubled in size, are swollen and have new visitors!!! we arent exactly sure how many brain tumors there are now, but we do know there is more than 8!! We have pretty much ran out of medical options....we were given 2 options yesterday, hospice, and a pill form of chemo. Hospice is an option to make sure that jason is comfortable while the cancer runs its course. the chemo pill, is what we chose to do yesterday, after waiting forever for the pharmacy to fill it, we were told our total {$1100, after insurance paying at least $12000, and i know its just money you cant think about it that way..but we couldnt come up with that to get the pills} so needless to say we left without the pills.... they wouldnt bill us {which would have worked out great, but they wont unless you are a patient, like for chemo} the dr told us that the chemo pill is about 10% affective on cancer in the brain, and pretty much was just an option to not overwhelm us with hospice. The chemo pill will make jason's quality of life shit {for lack of a better word} he will be extremely sick, and sleep most of the day. so after being home and talking about it some more, jason has told me he doesnt want to do the chemo, if it had a higher rate of working or even if our dr had said that he was confident it would work, he would be all for it...the dr flat out told us it wouldnt "buy"time...so as of now we are looking into "natural remedies" so if anyone has one we would love to hear it!!

while in with the dr, i am pretty sure he left at least 3 different times. You could tell he was having a hard time telling us, especially after i started crying. His new nurse really didnt even look at us while the dr was talking, she kinda just stared at the wall.

Right now we have been asked again what people can do for us...and once again WE HAVE NO IDEA WHAT WERE SUPPOSED TO BE DOING!!! so dont be offended if wont dont say anything..or ask for anything...if you want to help out it would probably be best to just tell us what your going to do, make it up on your own, dont wait for us to tell you we need something... {it probably wont happen}

And please...dont say anything to us that is going to offend or upset us, granted it takes a lot to do that, but right now we are hurting, and dont need to be upset for your nasty comments added on top of it {this isnt towards everyone!}

right now we are just trying to wrap our heads around everything and decide what it is we want to do...since neither one of us is working right now.