i was told yesterday {1-19-11} by Dr G's nurse, that they believe this is the" beginning of the end."

I had written her an email the night before explaining how jason is, he sleeps all day, hardly eats, says only a few words, but they are "I love you" so that seems to help make it a little more bearable. i believe his eyesight is giving him troubles, but he is so far out in zombie land i cant get a straight answer from him. he had been puking for a couple days, but has now gone 2 days without puking. Also, he has had some bladder control issues. which they believe could be caused by melanoma in the spine and pressing on the spinal cord {dr G}

Dr J's nurse also called, and said that he could have possibly gotten a flu bug or something, since he was projectile vomiting, and sleeping so much. later she called back, after talking with the dr, they upped his steroid to 6 mg twice a day, and scheduled us an appointment for tuesday, and a scan to be done today, to see if the cancer has progressed more.

i was also offered counseling, but refused it, i dont see what good it would be to sit around in a big circle and listen to other peoples problems. {thats my take on it} they offered home health care, and to have medical equipment brought in, brought turned it down. Jason is still able to walk and our house is split level so a wheel chair is going to do us NO good, and we sleep in our bed so we dont need an awful hospital one...

its been extremely rough the past couple days, pretty much pure hell. i dont know what it is i am supposed to do, im too young to lose my hubby, and he is far too young to die!

if you would like to help, please just think of something, and dont ask. i dont want to come off as rude, but i dont know what we need, mostly help with bills, jason hasnt worked since juneish and i havent worked since thanksgiving and have no idea when ill be going back. so please if you want to give money there is the pay pal on the top right side of the blog, along with open accounts at America First Credit union and Ireland Bank. {jason schenk charitable account} and if you want to bring dinner or food, or whatever just do it, we are here pretty much everyday. {ill try to post what nights we WONT be home, so you know} we appreciate your generosity.

this post bring back bad memories? like we have been here before...yup here...when we were first told they were pretty well done with us...the reason we went to Arizona.